Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
