Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
