Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
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