Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
