i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
