How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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