Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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