i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
