went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
