I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it was like eating out sand paper
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
