your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
