Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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