you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
