don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
