So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
