"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
