My friends, they love my intelligence
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
