No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
