i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
