did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
