I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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