I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
