there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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