so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
