please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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