I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
