i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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