Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Randomize
