Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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