Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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