yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
