I faked an abortion last night.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
