So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
