I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
of course. lets lasso hookers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
