Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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