If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
