Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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