...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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