I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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