i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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