I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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