Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize