I'm drive I can fine osifer
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
