he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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