ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
