You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
