my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
