I cockslap morals
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
