that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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