DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
