we have officially lost it.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
