I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
