What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So here I am, sexting at work.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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