how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
