I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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