Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
