How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a naked man in my car right now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
