Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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