I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
