she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
