is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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