Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I will be naked everywhere
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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