I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
