did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
im six kinds of drunk right now
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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