Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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