I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm bleeding and have questions
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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